a: When the humans are eating, make sure you leave the tip of your tail
in their dishes when they are not looking.
b: Never eat food from your own bowl if you can steal some from the
c: Never drink from your own water bowl if a human's glass is full
enough to drink from. Water from the toilet is great......but.....be
very sure it is clear!
d: Should you catch something of your own , it is only polite to
attempt to get to know it. Be insistent--your food will usually not be
so polite and try to leave.
e: Table scraps are delicacies with which the humans are unfortunately
unwilling to readily part. It is beneath the Dignity of a cat to beg
outright for food as lower forms of life such as dogs will, but several
techniques exist for ensuring that the humans don't forget you exist.
These include, but are not limited to: jumping onto the lap of the
"softest" human and purring loudly; lying down in the doorway between
the dining room and the kitchen, the Direct Stare, and twining around
people's legs as they sit and eat while meowing plaintively.
** SLEEPING: As mentioned above, in order to have enough energy for
playing, a cat must get plenty of sleep. It is generally not difficult
to find a comfortable place to curl up. Any place a human likes to sit
is good, especially if it contrasts with your fur color.
If it's in a sunbeam or near a heating duct or radiator, so much the
better. Of course, good places also exist outdoors, but have the
disadvantages of being seasonal and dependent on current and previous
weather conditions such as rain. Open windows are a good compromise.
** SCRATCHING POSTS: It is advised that cats use any scratching post the
humans may provide. They are very protective of what they think is
their property and will object strongly if they catch you sharpening
your claws on it. Being sneaky and doing it when they aren't around
won't help, as they are very observant. If you are an outdoor kitty,
trees are good. Sharpening your claws on a human is a definite no-no!
** HUMANS: Humans have three primary functions: to feed us, to play with
and give attention to us, and to clean the litter box. It is important
to maintain one's Dignity when around humans so that they will not
forget who is the master of the house. Humans need to know basic rules.
They can be taught if you start early and are consistent.